There were so many other things that were going on at this same time; a few other pieces of the story that will make it complete.
*Dani had been away at college since August; we were all adjusting, things were different when she came home from Christmas. The minute I called her on that Sunday night, her heart was broken. She needed to be home she said, we convinced her to wait until Monday morning when we knew more. She packed, made class arrangements and her "sisters" at Pi Phi helped her get on the road. Having Dani home settled my "mom" brain, she knew everyone's routine, their activities, habits, and unique needs. She stepped in not because we asked but we needed her and she needed to be here with us.
*The time you spend with the hospital staff is brief, you don't learn a lot about the person but you do have a feeling when you meet and talk with them. Justin's favorite nurse was Jenny, she referred to herself as Ginormous, like the girl from the movie "Monsters vs Aliens" (she was not ginormous just tall!) Nurse Jenny was actually a nursing student, a young, single mom who will be a fabulous nurse because she is a fabulous person. We had days where we would have four-six nurses, two lab techs, two xray techs, two-three aides, housekeeping, the dietitian, two doctors, and other hospital staff. We learned that this was Justin's experience, he had fears and needs that we would have to verbalize for him. We learned it is ok to tell staff and guests when he needed to be alone, to come back later, to close the door, and when to say we needed assistance.
*If you need sleep, do not stay in a hospital. There is no difference between day and night, the same beepers, buzzers, poking and prodding go on 24/7. There is a chair that lies flat, if you can get it to fit between the hospital bed and the window, and stay out of the way of the I.V., sink, bedpan, and monitors.
*Twins are special. Unless you are one, you will never understand the bond. Lane was thrown into his own situation of loneliness and fear. He had never slept alone since conception, he had always had a wingman; now he was flying solo.
*We live and love in a Christian community. Matthew 22:36-40 "Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." Our "neighbors", friends and family of all religions showed their love to our family in so many ways during this time. We have forever been touched by this.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Realizations
Monday passed quickly, we were so tired and everything that was happening was new. We were trying to understand everything that was being told to us and everything that was being done to Justin. We were meeting dozens of hospital staff and learning the routines of the hospital.
From this point on, days and nights would start to run together. Justin was sleeping most of the time. Now I realize that even when he was awake, the morphine was controlling him. We would get little rest in between the constant beeping of his monitors, blood draws, vital checks and Justin's occasional cries. Darin and I were making plans for work, the kids, going back and forth to home.
Early Tuesday morning, Dr. Hourigan came in to check on Justin. After a few minutes, he asked me to go into the hall with him. I was alone, not only was Darin not there, Dr. Warner was not there and I was feeling lost at what he would need to talk to me about.
Reality, Dr. Hourigan is a kind, knowledgeable man. He put his hand on my shoulder and explained to me the seriousness of Justin's condition.
Justin's appendix had burst, probably about 10-14 days before surgery. The infection had formed abscesses in his abdomen during that time; atleast one of the abscesses had also burst. His quick decent from "not feeling well" to Sunday night was actually a long battle his body had been fighting. Sunday's symptoms were the signs of his body shutting down from the massive amount of infection in his system. Dr. Hourigan's opinion was that on Sunday we were just a few hours away from having a different outcome. Justin was better, but we were a long way from being ok. We would watch his white blood count, the drainage tubes and his temperature very close for the next few days.
I was crushed, not only was I beyond scared for my baby but the guilt of not taking care of one of your children was beyond what I could take. The overwhelming burden of failure would and does linger; thankfully there was not time for that, we had to hold everything together for the rest of our family. And more than ever before we had to be Justin's voice in his healing process now.
From this point on, days and nights would start to run together. Justin was sleeping most of the time. Now I realize that even when he was awake, the morphine was controlling him. We would get little rest in between the constant beeping of his monitors, blood draws, vital checks and Justin's occasional cries. Darin and I were making plans for work, the kids, going back and forth to home.
Early Tuesday morning, Dr. Hourigan came in to check on Justin. After a few minutes, he asked me to go into the hall with him. I was alone, not only was Darin not there, Dr. Warner was not there and I was feeling lost at what he would need to talk to me about.
Reality, Dr. Hourigan is a kind, knowledgeable man. He put his hand on my shoulder and explained to me the seriousness of Justin's condition.
Justin's appendix had burst, probably about 10-14 days before surgery. The infection had formed abscesses in his abdomen during that time; atleast one of the abscesses had also burst. His quick decent from "not feeling well" to Sunday night was actually a long battle his body had been fighting. Sunday's symptoms were the signs of his body shutting down from the massive amount of infection in his system. Dr. Hourigan's opinion was that on Sunday we were just a few hours away from having a different outcome. Justin was better, but we were a long way from being ok. We would watch his white blood count, the drainage tubes and his temperature very close for the next few days.
I was crushed, not only was I beyond scared for my baby but the guilt of not taking care of one of your children was beyond what I could take. The overwhelming burden of failure would and does linger; thankfully there was not time for that, we had to hold everything together for the rest of our family. And more than ever before we had to be Justin's voice in his healing process now.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Part III
What I remember the most about the recovery room was how cold and empty it seemed. There was one nurse tending to Justin, another doing paperwork in the hall, Darin and myself. We were scared, we had never seen any of our kids so sick and lifeless looking.
There was one defining moment that changed a lot of things about us. In Darin's profession he has seen and will see more than most of us could ever handle or should have to see. He has always amazed me with his ability to handle the experiences of trauma and death he has witnessed. In that room, in a flash, all of reasoning was gone. He looked at Justin and saw not our little boy but another boy that he had given CPR to a few months before. At the time I didn't know what was going on, but I looked at Darin and could see he was not there with us, I was so scared he knew something about Justin that I could not see. It would be several days before I would know what Darin had seen this night; it would be several months before we could talk about the depth his experiences have affected him.
Justin was gray, sweaty, and restless; he had three open incisions, two had drain tubes coming out of him. He was still under anesthesia and they had given him morphine. His body was fighting a battle we did not fully understand.
We were finally taken to a hospital room around 4:00 a.m. Justin was incredibly unsettled, trying to pull the tubes out and get out of bed. That morning would start the routine of the hospital staff taking blood, checking the i.v., temperature, blood pressure, oxygen , tube drainage monitoring and pain medication. This first night we didn't sleep, by mid-morning Justin had finally settled and was in a medicated sleep. The day had started for us, as we had family and friends to keep updated, kids to keep organized, medical staff to talk to and Justin to pray with.
Our first discussions with the doctors were general information; mostly what a normal appendectomy surgery and recovery look like; a short surgery, small incision, possible hospital stay. So far we had not experienced any of that. The discussions would always end with a "but we are watching him closely because the appendix did rupture, let's see how his blood work is" The seriousness had not set in yet.
Sometime during that first morning I realized how lost we felt because Dr. Warner (our doctor for the last 19 years) had moved in December. Dr. Hourigan, who is in the same clinic has been Darin's physician, had agreed to take our entire family; little did he know what our first interaction would be like.
There was one defining moment that changed a lot of things about us. In Darin's profession he has seen and will see more than most of us could ever handle or should have to see. He has always amazed me with his ability to handle the experiences of trauma and death he has witnessed. In that room, in a flash, all of reasoning was gone. He looked at Justin and saw not our little boy but another boy that he had given CPR to a few months before. At the time I didn't know what was going on, but I looked at Darin and could see he was not there with us, I was so scared he knew something about Justin that I could not see. It would be several days before I would know what Darin had seen this night; it would be several months before we could talk about the depth his experiences have affected him.
Justin was gray, sweaty, and restless; he had three open incisions, two had drain tubes coming out of him. He was still under anesthesia and they had given him morphine. His body was fighting a battle we did not fully understand.
We were finally taken to a hospital room around 4:00 a.m. Justin was incredibly unsettled, trying to pull the tubes out and get out of bed. That morning would start the routine of the hospital staff taking blood, checking the i.v., temperature, blood pressure, oxygen , tube drainage monitoring and pain medication. This first night we didn't sleep, by mid-morning Justin had finally settled and was in a medicated sleep. The day had started for us, as we had family and friends to keep updated, kids to keep organized, medical staff to talk to and Justin to pray with.
Our first discussions with the doctors were general information; mostly what a normal appendectomy surgery and recovery look like; a short surgery, small incision, possible hospital stay. So far we had not experienced any of that. The discussions would always end with a "but we are watching him closely because the appendix did rupture, let's see how his blood work is" The seriousness had not set in yet.
Sometime during that first morning I realized how lost we felt because Dr. Warner (our doctor for the last 19 years) had moved in December. Dr. Hourigan, who is in the same clinic has been Darin's physician, had agreed to take our entire family; little did he know what our first interaction would be like.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Part II
Emergency Room usually means a long wait without a lot of urgency.
This was not the case this time. Everyone was very attentive and compassionate with us on this night. I think they could sense the seriousness of the situation and yet see that we had not yet come to that realization.
I stated the facts to everyone we talked to: Justin did not have a fever, he was walking and alert this morning, he has never complained of pain, and now he was pale and not responding to us. In a blitz, he was given an i.v., poked, tested, measured, xrayed, had an ultrasound and then sent off for a ct scan. Right before the scan, a nurse told us they were looking for appendicitis. We were shocked, Justin had not complained of any kind of pain, or showed signs of pain. At the scan the tech was very quick to point out that the appendix had already burst, he then looked at us and said the surgery team was on their way.
In a matter of minutes, Justin was being prepared for surgery. Looking under the curtain in his room, we saw what would become a friendly sight to us...cowboy boots. Our surgeon, Dr. Murray, was not like any doctor I had met before. Not only was he 6'5" plus he was dressed in baggie jeans, a sweatshirt, and cowboy boots. The nurse was kind enough to reassure us that he was a good guy.
Justin was taken into emergency surgery around midnight. By now, we had called the rest of the family and was just asking that everyone sit tight, help take care of the kids and we would know more in the morning. The staff had said we should just wait in the e.r. waiting room and the surgery usually only takes thirty minutes to an hour.
Darin's friend, a Moses Lake officer, just happened to be in the e.r. on a case; he sat and visited with us to help keep our minds off of the situation. After three and a half hours, surgery was over and we were taken back to wait in the recovery room with Justin.
This was not the case this time. Everyone was very attentive and compassionate with us on this night. I think they could sense the seriousness of the situation and yet see that we had not yet come to that realization.
I stated the facts to everyone we talked to: Justin did not have a fever, he was walking and alert this morning, he has never complained of pain, and now he was pale and not responding to us. In a blitz, he was given an i.v., poked, tested, measured, xrayed, had an ultrasound and then sent off for a ct scan. Right before the scan, a nurse told us they were looking for appendicitis. We were shocked, Justin had not complained of any kind of pain, or showed signs of pain. At the scan the tech was very quick to point out that the appendix had already burst, he then looked at us and said the surgery team was on their way.
In a matter of minutes, Justin was being prepared for surgery. Looking under the curtain in his room, we saw what would become a friendly sight to us...cowboy boots. Our surgeon, Dr. Murray, was not like any doctor I had met before. Not only was he 6'5" plus he was dressed in baggie jeans, a sweatshirt, and cowboy boots. The nurse was kind enough to reassure us that he was a good guy.
Justin was taken into emergency surgery around midnight. By now, we had called the rest of the family and was just asking that everyone sit tight, help take care of the kids and we would know more in the morning. The staff had said we should just wait in the e.r. waiting room and the surgery usually only takes thirty minutes to an hour.
Darin's friend, a Moses Lake officer, just happened to be in the e.r. on a case; he sat and visited with us to help keep our minds off of the situation. After three and a half hours, surgery was over and we were taken back to wait in the recovery room with Justin.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Part I
The weekend was fast approaching and we were so looking forward to it. Darin and I had planned a quick weekend get-away, we were going to Moscow for Saturday night, combining a trip to see Dani (I had not been to her house yet) with an extended date night.
Friday morning before school Justin comes in to our room and says "I don't feel good" followed by a quick trip to the bathroom to throw up. Let's just say throwing up at our house is not a big deal, it is a weekly occurrence. I stay home with him that day and he is mostly laying on the couch and throws up again later that day.
Saturday morning comes around and he is actually up and walking around, still says he doesn't feel that great, but still wanting to drink juice and watch cartoons. After a VERY lengthy discussion, we decide that I will still go up to Moscow with Katrina and her mom, Rhonda to visit Dani and come home first thing Sunday morning. Hopefully to be back before anyone else gets the "flu" that Justin has.
Sunday morning I talk to Darin, he says Justin is not feeling better and is laying around a lot more. By noon, I am back in Royal. Darin goes out to watch his favorite Vikings play in the football game as I get settled back at the house. After a little while, I notice Justin is just not "right". Having a little bit of experience with sick kids, I convinced myself he was dehydrated. He didn't have a fever and had lost interest in trying to eat or drink.
On a whim, I called the nurse hotline through our insurance, just to see if this was an emergency room run or take him to our regular doctor in the morning for dehydration. After a lot of questions, the nurse agrees that since he has no fever he is probably just run down from this flu. A final question she says, has he spit up anything that looks like coffee grounds? I said no and she replied good because that would mean he has internal bleeding.
Meanwhile I keep checking on Justin and he is becoming more and more lethargic. I call Darin and tell him I am taking Justin in, I can't wait until morning. He says he is on his way and we can go together. By the time Darin gets here, Justin is now somewhat unresponsive at times. I mention the nurse's question about coffee grounds to Darin, he stops and says well yes he did have a little of that this morning. Our hearts sink, we are on our way to the emergency room.
Friday morning before school Justin comes in to our room and says "I don't feel good" followed by a quick trip to the bathroom to throw up. Let's just say throwing up at our house is not a big deal, it is a weekly occurrence. I stay home with him that day and he is mostly laying on the couch and throws up again later that day.
Saturday morning comes around and he is actually up and walking around, still says he doesn't feel that great, but still wanting to drink juice and watch cartoons. After a VERY lengthy discussion, we decide that I will still go up to Moscow with Katrina and her mom, Rhonda to visit Dani and come home first thing Sunday morning. Hopefully to be back before anyone else gets the "flu" that Justin has.
Sunday morning I talk to Darin, he says Justin is not feeling better and is laying around a lot more. By noon, I am back in Royal. Darin goes out to watch his favorite Vikings play in the football game as I get settled back at the house. After a little while, I notice Justin is just not "right". Having a little bit of experience with sick kids, I convinced myself he was dehydrated. He didn't have a fever and had lost interest in trying to eat or drink.
On a whim, I called the nurse hotline through our insurance, just to see if this was an emergency room run or take him to our regular doctor in the morning for dehydration. After a lot of questions, the nurse agrees that since he has no fever he is probably just run down from this flu. A final question she says, has he spit up anything that looks like coffee grounds? I said no and she replied good because that would mean he has internal bleeding.
Meanwhile I keep checking on Justin and he is becoming more and more lethargic. I call Darin and tell him I am taking Justin in, I can't wait until morning. He says he is on his way and we can go together. By the time Darin gets here, Justin is now somewhat unresponsive at times. I mention the nurse's question about coffee grounds to Darin, he stops and says well yes he did have a little of that this morning. Our hearts sink, we are on our way to the emergency room.
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